Like most individuals you have probably arrived at This particular article because you are looking for answers to a specific family law problem. Hopefully This particular article will help motivate you to take the necessary steps to resolve your issues.
The subject of This particular article is usually “Why Do Men Lose in Family Court?” I have spent the last 20 years attempting to answer This particular question. After considerable research, case evaluations as well as client interviews I believe I currently hold the answer.
Nineteen years ago I went through a brutal divorce. Actually, at the time of divorce we were very friendly with one another as well as agreed to settle out of court. My Ex-wife, through a paralegal filed for divorce as well as like most men I simply agreed to the terms. I walked away with nothing! I surrendered the house, ($40,000.00 in equity) the boat, the automobile, furniture etc. etc…Everything I had acquired in 13 years of marriage was suddenly gone. We had three children as well as I wanted them to hold the benefit of these items. Although I didn’t realize the idea at the time I could have as well as should have made better agreements of which could have benefited all members of my family in a much greater way. Looking back I simply didn’t know what a not bad agreement was or how to make the deal. I was so concerned about maintaining a not bad relationship with my ex of which I avoided anything of which might have resulted in a legal battle. I should have filed my response with the court as well as requested an equitable division of property, custody, visitation as well as a support order of which was based on my Real income. In general I should have been more attentive to the legal issues. This particular was truly a mistake!
Like most men I had adopted the common belief of which men always lose in divorce proceedings so why not just surrender everything currently as well as avoid the inevitable. What I didn’t realize at the time was of which I wasn’t doing anyone any favors by surrendering everything to my ex-wife. Ignorantly giving up my property caused my wife to develop a false confidence within the legal system of which could soon allow her to sue me again as well as again as well as again. Like many women she understood the prevailing thought of men of which they always lose in family court as well as she capitalized on This particular belief. Therefore the idea didn’t matter any longer how much I had given to her the fact of which I didn’t know what I was doing was extremely obvious. Despite everything I had surrendered, ignorantly failing to make fair as well as equitable agreements at the time of my departure coming from the family home was a colossal mistake as well as was a personal invitation for her to sue me later. I could in time realize of which money as well as property are no substitute for a well-written, fair as well as equitable agreement of ALL issues. Like the American Express advertisement declares “Don’t leave home without the idea!”
I had also surrendered quite a few different rights simply because I was ignorant as well as wasn’t aware of the significance of these rights. Mainly rights to my children. I had mistakenly believed of which women always get custody of children as well as Dads always get the standard every different weekend visitation schedule. In fact I was so ignorant I actually thought This particular was the law! Little did I realize of which even after I had given everything I had I could still have to give more.
About 2 years later I acquired a completely new love interest as well as our “friendly divorce” turned into a legal nightmare! She went to an attorney as well as was advised to take me back to court to raise child support, decrease visitation, contempt of court as well as a host of different issues. Not knowing any better I went to an attorney, paid a $3500.00 retainer fee as well as went to court. the idea was my belief of which we had fairly resolved all of our legal issues within the beginning as well as I definitely didn’t understand why she wanted more or how she could get more.
After 3 court hearings as well as one more $3000.00 in attorney fees (total $6,500.00) later I had gotten my butt kicked! My attorney did absolutely nothing! He was worthless although certainly richer. On the way home coming from the courthouse I realized how unfair the family law system of justice was for men as well as began a search for answers. Further, I realized of which just having an attorney does not mean there will be a successful resolution. A few days later I saw a newspaper advertisement for a Fathers Rights support group near my home. the idea sounded interesting so I decided to attend one of their meetings.
The following Friday I arrived at the meeting discouraged as well as without wish. As I walked to my seat I passed quite a few tables with pamphlets as well as books as well as different written materials all directed at men with family law problems. Most of these materials were advocating political reform of the family law system. I grabbed one of everything!
Once in my seat the meeting began with quite a few men sharing their stories of severe prejudice as well as bias within the family court. The first thing I realized was of which I was not alone in what I had experienced in as well as out of court. After two or three testimonies a gentleman went to the podium as well as addressed the crowd. The subject of his speech was “Why men lose in Family Court.”
The gentleman opened his speech with these questions: “How many of you came here tonight because you are currently in a family law case as well as are looking for answers?” Everyone within the room raised their hands. “How many of you defaulted by not responding to divorce or hearing papers?” Many raised their hands. “How many of you are struggling to pay your child support?” Again almost everyone raised their hands. “How many of you are being harassed by the District Attorney (Child Support Enforcement) for child support?” “How many of you have had their driver’s licenses suspended or taxes taken due to unpaid child support?” Many raised their hands. “How many of you only see your kids every different weekend?” About half the room raised a hand. “How many of you paid a large amount of money to an attorney to resolve your problems as well as still lost the battle?” Again almost everyone raised their hands. Finally he asked, “How many of you are happy with the outcome of your case?” The room suddenly became quiet as well as no one raised their hands.
When the speaker had finished asking the questions the idea was very apparent of which most of the men within the room, including me, didn’t know the first thing about avoiding or resolving a family law problem! the idea was a moment of realization of which we had each failed due to our own ignorance. These men, myself included were like lambs headed to slaughter. None of us had a clue as to what we had done wrong or how we could still resolve our own legal problems! What a pathetic group of men! This particular wasn’t what any of us expected.
The speaker continued by explaining why men lose in family court. “Yes there is usually bias, prejudice as well as discrimination in family court towards men. Yes the family court system is usually broken as well as needs reform. However, despite these problems most of you have failed because you didn’t take the time to learn how the system works.” As he spoke he gave numerous examples of mistakes of which men make. “Men lose in family court because they simply don’t do their homework as well as women do!”
Most men, myself included, believe they are capable of resolving just about any problem. Most have run businesses, negotiated purchases of homes as well as/or cars as well as have been successful resolving different large problems at work as well as home. Consistent with their success in different areas of their life, when their long-term relationship’s end they believe they can “cut a deal” or somehow avoid a problematic legal case without generating legally filed agreements. Call the idea male machismo or pride although in reality the idea’s called arrogance! Failing to learn how the family law system works will doom your case. Like one leading motivational speaker has stated: “Failing to plan is usually planning to fail!” There is usually no substitute for correct information as well as knowledge.
The speaker closed the meeting with This particular exhortation: “I want each of you to make a commitment. A commitment to your friends, family, to your children as well as to yourself! I want you to commit to learning how the family law system works. I want you to commit to changing the outcome of your case! This particular week I want each of you to go to a law library or bookstore in your area as well as read anything as well as everything you can on family law. Once you have acquired the needed knowledge set a goal, form a plan as well as don’t give up until you get what you want as well as need!”
As I drove home coming from the meeting I was filled with mixed emotions about what the speaker had said. On one hand I was encouraged of which I could take control of my case, learn how the system works as well as resolve my ongoing legal problems. On the different hand I was very discouraged when I realized I had caused my own legal problems. I had lost in court because I had failed to learn the “rules of the game.” Like millions of different men I thought I could strike an easy out of court settlement as well as go on with my life. How wrong I was! This particular was a very hard lesson for me! I was a college graduate. I was fairly intelligent as well as should have known better. My Ex-wife wasn’t to blame, I was! I did This particular too myself! My failure was her victory!
The very next morning I decided to make the commitment to resolve my legal problems. As the speaker instructed I went to the local law library as well as read numerous books as well as articles. The following day I went to numerous bookstores as well as read many self-help books on family law. In addition, I searched the Internet as well as read everything I could about divorce as well as Family Law. The more I read the more I realized how mistaken I had been.
Over the next six months I continued studying family law as well as attending the meetings sponsored by a local Fathers rights support group. In a matter of weeks my personal knowledge of law as well as family related legal issues began to flourish. In fact, I eventually became a board member of the statewide group. After a few months, I even enrolled in paralegal classes at a community college. A year later I was so committed of which I enrolled in law school. Boy what a turn around!
My first year of law school I began offering self-help legal assistance as well as counseling to men. Also, I returned to court to resolve unfinished legal business. This particular time I was prepared for battle! I had done my homework!
On the day of court I discovered of which my ex-wife had retained the same attorney she had used previously. When he saw me within the hallway I am sure he thought This particular could be quick as well as easy. After all I was so misinformed initially. The attorney approached me as well as began telling me how ridiculous my request for hearing was as well as of which he was going to “stick the idea to me” if I didn’t drop the matter immediately. With confidence, I informed him I could not do so as well as could see him before the Judge. We did discuss the legal issues at hand as well as you could see of which his attitude towards me was much different than before. The attorney made his routine offer of settlement of which I promptly refused. He was currently very concerned. He had recognized of which something was very different.
About an hour later, we ended up in front of the Judge. Here’s what happened: My child support went coming from $1,113.00 per month plus health insurance of $225.00 to $243.00 a month in child support as well as she paid the health insurance. Further, my visitation time-share with my kids went coming from 5% to 43%. the idea turns out of which my ex-wife was earning over $100,000.00 a year. I had filed subpoenas with her bank as well as employers based on a rumor I had heard of which she had a second job although I wasn’t sure. The subpoenas revealed of which she did in fact have a second job. She had not revealed This particular to the court. Even her attorney was unaware of This particular! In fact her “second job” earned her significantly more money than her regular job. Big mistake on her part! Needless to say I won the relief of which I was seeking! My ex-wife may have won a previous battle although ultimately lost the war. Over the next six months there were different legal issues of which I was able to resolve. I stopped her coming from moving out of state with the kids. In fact This particular did not even require a hearing. She accepted my legal explanation of what the court could in fact do as well as she decided not to move.
On another occasion the principal of the school of which my children attended felt she had no obligation to provide me with copies of my children’s report cards as well as different information. (Emergency medical contact information, Notice of parent-teacher conferences, transcripts etc. etc…) the idea’s significant to note of which my ex-wife’s mother was the vice-president of the school board. The principal, vice-principal, teachers as well as school nurse were aware of This particular. No doubt of which the decision to deny my parental rights was directly related to my mother-in-laws powerful position. Well, I filed a suit in civil court naming the principal, vice-principal, school nurse, the entire local as well as county school boards, as well as the California board of education.
At the hearing the County’s attorney spoke with me as well as expressed regret of which This particular matter had to be filed. He agreed of which the schools position could not be legally supported based on the family code. He informed them of which their position was in error as well as the policy of preventing a parent with joint legal custody coming from viewing his children’s school records was illegal as well as should be instantly changed. The matter was settled within the hallway as well as never made the idea to the Judge as well as for not bad reason.
Here is usually the best part of This particular story: After successfully resolving the legal issues my ex-wife “got the message.” She realized of which I could never again allow myself to be used as a legal punching bag. There could be no more rolling over. No more defaults, no more passivity. I had become a pro-active participant. I had finally learned how the system worked as well as could vigorously defend myself in any future issue of which might arise. as well as guess what? Once she understood she could no longer win automatically, Lo as well as behold we never had another legal dispute! Immediately following the last court hearing our conversations became civil although solely limited to the lives of the kids. Exactly the way the idea should be! (as well as should have been coming from the beginning)
My children are grown currently as well as my personal family law struggles are over. I learned the hard way of which what you do currently will determine the quality of the relationship you will have with your children within the future. People forget of which children are only within the custody of either parent for a relatively short time. After they reach the age of majority is usually when the real relationship begins! I was fortunate in of which I discovered my failure in time. I was able to reverse a never-ending trend of court hearing after court hearing with no end in sight. the idea all changed of which one evening after the meeting when I decided to commit to generating needed modifications in my attitude as well as approach to my case. I had learned a valuable lesson. Know the rules before you play the game! Once I discovered the rules of the game the idea all changed.
Finally, family law problems affect not only you although completely new wives, girlfriends, parents, grandparents, Aunts/Uncles, employer, friends as well as most significantly your children! Don’t wait any longer! Don’t wait until the idea’s too late! Make a commitment currently to change your life as well as the lives of all who are around you by learning how the family law system works. Do your homework first! You can bet your Ex has!
By Mike L. Weening, Esq.
The post Why Men Lose in Family Court appeared first on Divorce Information.